The Best Part of Me
by JaeSan
Summary: The events of "I Got Time While She Got Freedom" from Quinn's POV...
1. Chapter 1

This is a sequel of sorts to I Got Time While She Got Freedom...or maybe a companion. You don't really have to read it first, but you can if you want. This is the series of events from Quinn's view. If you want others let me know, I'm pretty sure I can write this story from any POV. I think I've already had requests for Puck, Kurt and Rachel and I plan on doing all three, Rachel will be last though so any other requests throw them my way :)

Don't own Glee or Glee characters, No specific spoilers, but takes place after the Christmas episode...Enjoy and thanks for looking!

PS...it was getting sort of long so I split it into two parts this is only their Junior year...

The Best Part of Me (1/2)

There was a time when I thought that I might spend the rest of my life with Finn Hudson. Back when I was trying to pass off my kid as his because I thought there was no way that Noah Puckerman would ever make anything of himself. Funny how things don't work out exactly the way you imagine. There was also a time when the girl in my arms was just another high school nuisance to me and I spent a good deal of time making her miserable for no other reason than it amused me.

Turns out people have an amazing ability to surprise me because the sight of Finn Hudson makes me violent, the man I thought would flip burgers in Lima forever is currently living on my couch because he just got a great job in New York City, and the girl I thought I hated is the same one it would be impossible for me to live without.

See I may not be the nicest person ever to walk the Earth but this woman, the one who fits so incredibly in my arms, makes me want to be a better person. It's weird to want to be different than you are, to fight against an instinct inside of you to defend yourself at all costs, but one day it happened. Now five years later (to my great surprise) Rachel still looks at me with a sparkle in her eyes and we're both laughing at her fathers as they tell some story explaining the presence of a makeshift stage in the back corner of their lawn.

Part of me still can't believe that she actually said yes. I just got a job running a small art gallery and I'd been planning it for months. Well, the truth is I've probably been planning it since eleventh grade when she smiled at me for the very first time. Rachel smiles all the time, but most of the time it's forced, too big or too small for the situation, I chalk this up to her being an actor and I pretty much love it that I'm the only person in the world who knows how to tell the difference.

She's smiling now as she talks to Puck and I see her falter a little as her gaze locks onto Finn Hudson who is sitting by himself like a cry baby. I feel the glare of hatred on my face as his eyes meet mine and I will my fists not to clench at my sides. I feel Sam put a hand on my shoulder and I close my eyes to take a calming breath. When I open them I'm even more furious however because Rachel comes into my line of vision which means that she's heading straight for that overgrown puppy dog.

Sam rattles something in my ear that I can't hear over my raging irritation that Finn still thinks it's okay to touch Rachel. I thought we cleared this up in the Principal's office the day I gave him a black eye. Then it occurs to me that even though Rachel has stayed friends with Frankenteen I usually make myself scarce whenever they get together, Rachel says I ruin the mood by glaring at him and it makes him nervous. I usually roll my eyes and tell her there shouldn't be a mood before I kiss her and shrug off to let them do whatever it is they do when they get together.

When we're in Lima that usually includes Sam so I can't be too judgmental about Rachel spending time with her ex. He's looking at me waiting for an answer and laughs when I look at him blankly because I have no idea what we're talking about. He tells me to give the guy a break and I turn my scowl toward him and set my hand on my hip in a pose that is so familiar to the two of us that I feel my face soften when he laughs again. "He still loves her, you got her, quit glaring at the guy." He says as he grabs my hand and leads me away from Finn and Rachel.

I scowl anyway and ask him when he discovered his love for Finn and he bumps my shoulder as he sits next to me on the Berry's yard swing so we can stare at Rachel and Finn without being obvious. This is why I love him, he knows what I need almost as well as Rachel. If I had turned out to be at all straight I could have married this man. I tell him so in a quiet voice and he smiles, he likes it when I get all mushy.

I watch Rachel and Finn interact as if a day hasn't gone by since high school and I feel something close to sick as she ducks her head and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Now I remember why I always choose to make myself disappear when she's around Finn, I hate watching them together. I hate the way he smiles at her and I hate the way she smiles back. I hate the feeling of insecurity that races through me and I hate the split second I spend doubting Rachel's feeling's for me.

That's the worse part about it. Rachel and I rarely talk about the overgrown man child, It doesn't cause a fight when we do, but my last name is not the only thing that I've inherited from my father and I try my best to hide that side of myself from Rachel even though she knows it's there and says she loves me anyway.

Something about my girlfriend talking to Hudson makes me want to punch him in the face, grab her arm and tell her that she can never see him ever again, but Rachel cares about him for whatever reason and I haven't gotten around to asking her why. It's a bit of a sensitive subject for me because even though I have absolutely zero doubt that Rachel loves me now she didn't always love me…

It's after Christmas Junior year and school's been back for about a week when I fall in love with Rachel Berry. Honestly it wasn't that big of a shock to me, well the Rachel Berry part was sorta jilting, but the girl part wasn't so bad. It's the first time in a long time that I hike the familiar path to the fourth floor girls bathroom that no one ever uses in order to visit my old after lunch stomping grounds.

I know I shouldn't, but I've been with Sam for a while and it's a little on the discouraging side to be dating a guy that's prettier than you. I know it's wrong and I know Sam thinks I'm really hot, but as it turns out I'm feeling a little insecure since my mother invited the sperm donor over for Christmas dinner, whatever. Truth is I'm dreading it a little bit and I argue with myself the entire way up the stairs.

I don't have to worry so much about it because my plans are thwarted when I swing open the door and Rachel looks at me for a split second before she turns away hurriedly. I'm about to open my mouth and give her my usual greeting of 'Man Hands' when I realize that something's not right. I pause and I'm about to leave when I notice that Rachel did not give her usual polite greeting of 'Hello, Quinn.'

I take a step closer to her and realize that her grip on the sink is turning her knuckles white and her shoulders are shaking gently, but noticeably. I look in the mirror and even though Rachel has her head down I know that she's crying and for a moment I'm stunned. I've seen Rachel cry almost as many times as I've seen her smile or sing, but this time it's different.

Rachel is over dramatic most of the time and when she cries she lets everyone know, but right now she's alone and silent and it's sort of unnerving. I whisper her name and she still doesn't look at me, but her shoulders shake harder and my heart aches because I can hear the amount of effort she's using to sound normal. She tells me she's fine and that she'll be out of my way in a minute if I could just give her a moment alone.

I know I'm coming across as awkward as I stand and stare at her, but there's something inside me that wants to make sure that she's okay. Something inside that wants to hug her and assure her that she's going to be alright, but when I reach out to touch her she flinches away from me. I'm hurt, but honestly I've spent a good amount of time trying to destroy her so I get it and step out of the bathroom.

When she still doesn't emerge after another three minutes I open the door cautiously and she's still leaning over the sink letting it catch her tears as they stream down her cheeks. I say her name again and this time I ask her what's wrong. It makes her cry harder, but she manages to choke out the word Finn and now I know why watching Rachel cry right now is so disturbing.

This is the girl who was slushied practically every day last year. The girl who gets made fun of and dismissed on a regular basis from a band of geeks who are supposed to be her friends. I've called her a billion names every single day since the third grade and every one of them has been met with a withering glare and a huff as she turns on a tiny heel and storms away. It's somewhat disheartening for me to see that it is actually possible to break her.

I swallow hard as I walk toward her, but once again she shies away from me and won't let me touch her. I give a frustrated sigh because I'm irritated that she wont' let me help her, but it disappears when she's crying harder and I hate the feeling of helplessness that shoots through me. I try to think of anyone to call to help me, but no one likes Rachel and I can't think of a single person who would care if I called and told them that Rachel Berry was crying in the bathroom. Hell, I wouldn't care if I wasn't standing here witnessing it.

I stand awkwardly for another minute before I finally think of something and pull out my phone. Five minutes later Puck peeks in and I take a step away from the crying girl and watch as Puck works his magic. When Rachel gives a weak smile a moment later I fleetingly wish I was as smooth as Noah Puckerman. I watch Puck talk to her gently and pull her close when she loses it again and then he leads her out of the bathroom.

Rachel looks back at me part puzzled, part thankful and part intrigued as Puck leads her away. She's vulnerable, her eyes are red and tears are staining her cheeks. Her makeup is smeared down her face and her brown eyes are seeping with sadness as she stares back at me from her spot at Pucks side. Rachel has never looked more beautiful than she does right now and she's never been so real. There's a spark in my chest and I don't realize it right then, but I'm a goner.

Rachel and I don't talk for a while after that, not because I don't want to but because I'm still sorting things out on my own. I do talk to Puck though a couple times to make sure she's okay. He assures me that she's fine and I ask him to look out for her. He looks at me funny for a second and then nods telling me she's been slushied.

I feel my jaw tighten and simply say 'who'. He answers and at Cheerios practice I make Santana and Cara run five hundred suicides. When they're finished I have two sophomore members of the football team slushy them and their uniforms in blue, adding that they had better dry clean them before Sylvester sees them. Santana glares at me hatefully, and I feel my mouth turn into a smirk that's equally as hateful as I set my hand on my hip and glare until she retreats toward the locker room.

It's the last time Rachel is ever slushied and a few days later I finally get to talk to her. She's sitting on the bleachers waiting for Puck and I am waiting for Sam and decide to sit next to her. It's the only time we ever talk about Finn and I finally know why she was crying so hard in that bathroom the other day. I try to comfort her and put my arm on her shoulder, but she looks at it like it's stinging her so I just listen and make a mental note to tell Puck and Sam to forget to block for that douche bag at Friday's game. When she's done she finally meets my eyes and says a very quiet, but sincere thank you.

We spend the rest of the time waiting in a not over whelming, but still tangible silence and she actually smiles a little when Puck throws his arm around her. I tried to put my hand on her shoulder when she was talking about Finn and she jerked away involuntarily and I feel a little something like jealousy as I watch how easily she lets the man whore that is my best friend touch her. I shudder to think what that means and invite them to dinner and a movie with Sam and I.

Puck shrugs and looks to Rachel who nods and follows him to his car. When he holds out his hand for hers and she takes it my own hand burns in Sam's grip and the jealousy consumes me again. Later, when the guys are getting popcorn and Rachel and I are left alone I am unable to stop the question from charging out of my mouth and I ask if she and Puck are a couple. She smiles sadly and assures me that she still loves Finn, but 'Noah' is the only person left who will tolerate her.

I firmly tell her that I can tolerate her and it's not just because she's a hot Jew. The second it leaves my mouth my brain fights over which part of the statement to explain first. I simultaneously want to tell her that I know that's not the only reason Puck talks to her and that I was talking about him thinking she was hot not me, but Rachel saves me from my mouth by smiling and laughing. I relax a little and the four of us actually have a decent time.

Sam's away visiting his sister in California for the weekend and I am feeling unusually lonely when I call Rachel over the weekend. It could be the fact that my two best friends hate my guts or at least the thinking part of my two best friends, or maybe that my mother is on an 'outing' with the 'donor' for the second time this week, but I feel almost excited when Rachel invites me to spend the day with her and her Dads. Puck shows up during dinner and I laugh along with Rachel when her father's start making jokes about 'Noah' being able to smell the food from his house.

After dinner we play Monopoly and I pretty much have a blast as I ruthlessly wipe everyone off the board in a record hour and a half. Puck and I stay to watch a movie with Rachel and by the time it ends I finally get Rachel to give up her affinity to my touch and she's actually leaning against me yawning with her legs in Puck's lap. I giggle, yes I, Quinn Fabray giggle, as Rachel stretches and lets her head fall back on my legs looking exhausted.

Without telling my brain, my fingers sneak up and push Rachel's hair back and Rachel sits up quickly and gives me a funny look. Not that I blame her, if she ran her fingers through my hair I'd probably cut them off or something. Rachel stares for a moment longer before announcing that she has to get to bed and invites us to stay. Puck declines and since he does I do too, because even though I've done so much more than tolerate Rachel today for some reason the thought of being alone with her makes me tingle and that's something I'd like to explore myself from the privacy of my own room before I try it out in reality.

I give Rachel an impromptu hug goodbye and think about later when I'll have to threaten all of my limbs that they'd better quit going rogue on me or they'll be running suicides till they resemble limp noodles. Puck gives me my own signature eyebrow arch when the door closes and before I can protest I'm sitting across from him at Starbucks as he lectures me about how Rachel can't handle anymore heartache right now. I let him talk for what seems like forever, but when he implies that I'm formulating some wicked plan to destroy her I finally lose my temper.

Out of everyone Puck probably knows me better than anyone. He's seen me at my most overdone, smiling sweetly at his mother or my family and in a fit of hormone induced rage over a thing as small as bacon, so he knows that he's overstepped. I rant at him for a straight five minutes and end on the fact that I never once asked him what his agenda with Rachel was. At this he shrugs, mumbles that she's a hot Jew and he sort of likes how she thinks he's not a loser.

When I finally calm down I think it's sweet that he's looking out for Rachel and the two of us sort of make a pact to make it a thing. Puck looks at me funny again when I tell him we need to start by getting her over Lurch. He tells me he tried that already, she won't let him kiss her again. I give him a withering look and tell him that not every problem a girl has can be solved by wine coolers and his penis and roll my eyes when he looks properly chastised. We spend the rest of our date in silence, but we both kind of like it that way and he hugs me before I get into my car and drive off.

When I get home that night I realize I have a missed call and a text message from Sam. I'm relieved he only called once and I sit on the edge of my bed and call him back. He calls me Beautiful when he picks up the phone and this is one of the many reasons I think I love him, one of the other ones is that he doesn't start the conversation by demanding to know where I've been all day. I tell him I'm sorry I didn't call him back sooner and he says it's fine, he just wanted to hear my voice and he figured I would get back to him. I smile and relax against my bed and spend the rest of the night talking with him. It's only when he says goodnight that I think of Rachel again and the way my stomach fluttered when she finally let her head lean against my shoulder.

I get ready for bed and think about Rachel and how much fun she can be when she's not being insane. I think about the way she tucks her hair behind her ear and the sound of her laugh and the way she fit perfectly in my side when she turned to throw her feet up on Puck's lap. I follow that thought to the way her already short skirt had ridden up and how much my fingers itched to rest on her bare thigh.

I've never been stupid and I know what all of this means, hell even when I was getting sick every morning and missed my period I knew exactly what was going on. There was no panic then, only a well thought out course of action, and there's none now. However, since I'm not quite ready to think out a course of action for this crisis, for the moment I choose to ignore it. I shake my head and wonder when I went crazy as I climb into bed and a flash of Rachel leaving the bathroom with Puck invades the space behind my eyelids.

I have my first sex dream _ever _that night and I feel like I should be mortified that it's about Rachel Berry, but as it turns out when I wake up, tangled in my sheets with my hair damp around my neck, the only thing I am is irritated that Dream Rachel didn't finish the job and I have to get up in the middle of the night to relieve the aching between my thighs by taking a cold shower. I'm drying my hair and fixing my sheets for the fourth time in two weeks when I realize that this thing might need a course of action sooner than I'd anticipated.

Over the next few weeks I surround myself outside of school with Rachel, Puck and Sam and I am a little bit amazed at how life can be pretty easy and almost fun when I surround myself with people I actually like who actually like me back instead of people like Santana who only hang around because they're trying to keep me close for the sole purpose of stabbing me in the stomach. I say it this way because Santana's not the sort of person who would do it in the back, she's more the type that would want you to see the gleam in her eyes as she pulled the knife out and watched you bleed out. Sadly these are the thoughts I usually have.

Rachel and I are laying on my bed listening to some ridiculous eighties song that we're supposed to learn for Glee and she's humming lightly along with the track when I notice that it's been months since I've heard her sing in Glee. I ask her about it and she says she's not ready to sing with Finn. I wrestle down my anger before I take her hand and tell her that she needs to stop waiting around for him to take her back. She looks at me so intensely, her brown eyes burn into mine and I have to look away. She tells me quietly that she is over him and before I can lean in and kiss her Sam is staring at us from the doorway and Rachel is leaving with the same look on her face that started this whole thing.

Sam is extremely understanding and infinitely cool when I give him back his ring. I have a moment of vanity and comment on the fact that he's taking it so well and turns out Sam is a lot smarter than I've ever given him credit for. He just shrugs, says he loves me, but I'm more tolerable when Rachel's around. I laugh and my heart aches when he says jokingly that I relax a lot more when she touches me than when he does and his hands have been under my skirt. Sam kisses me for the last time and I think I'm going to cry. He's completely amazing and leaves before the tears actually start. The next day in Glee Rachel doesn't sit next to Finn for the first time since last year and Sam squeezes my hand and winks at me as we head over to sit behind Rachel and Puck.

Rachel sort of avoids one on one time with me over the next few weeks, but shows up at my house one day when Sam and I are in the middle of a marathon session of Black Ops. He's been helping me keep my mind off of Rachel and turns out we discovered that I'm unnaturally adept at his stupid video game. Rachel smiles politely at Sam and apologizes for stopping by unannounced and Sam makes himself scarce as I assure Rachel that she's welcome anytime and lead her up to my room.

Rachel stands in front of me and fidgets for a moment, opening and closing her mouth a half a dozen times to speak only to fail and God help me I think it might possibly be the most adorable thing I've ever seen. I take pity on her a moment later and close the gap between us, I like the way she whispers my name and in the next minute I'm almost as surprised as she is that I'm kissing her.

Rachel's lips are soft and tentative as they move against mine and her fingers are doing this amazing thing at the base of my neck that makes me pull her a little closer as I settle my own hands against her hips. I smile against her mouth as she sighs a little bit when our bodies make contact and our first kiss is perfect. An hour later and I'm sitting against the head of my bed with Rachel straddling me and we're still making out.

We're perfectly slow about it, my fingers finally get to draw little patterns on her thighs and her hands move from the back of my neck to my sides only to be buried in my hair a moment later. Every inch of my body is relaxed for the first time since I was five and my head is sort of hazy when Rachel pulls away and I breathlessly wonder out loud how it's possible that she actually tastes like a berry. She gives a soft giggle and kisses me again and I feel like I could stay this way forever.

Rachel and I hang out (makeout, whatever) almost nonstop and I enlist Puck to keep Rachel occupied during school because I can hardly walk down the halls holding hands with Rachel Berry. I like it that even though Rachel knows what's going on she doesn't whine about it, I even sort of like when she takes to holding onto Puck' arm when they walk because she knows it makes me insanely jealous. I do not like it when she starts smiling at Sasquatch boy again.

I catch her smiling at that overgrown idiot in Glee as she teaches him some sort of dance step and my fists clench at my sides. I don't talk to Rachel for the rest of the day and when she comes over to my house that afternoon she laughs at me when I break up with her. I feel my face go red and tell her to get out, but she just smiles and takes my hand and says that I can't break up with her if I can't even walk down the hall with her at school.

She doesn't let go of my hand as she explains that she doesn't push me because she knows that I am who I am and she accepts all of me. She says the fact that I didn't freak out in the first place about the whole situation is worth something and ends with the fact that she was just helping Finn with his dance steps so we have a better shot at winning regionals. The question is burning my throat but I do not take the opportunity to ask her if she still loves him. I might be in love with her, but she's right I'm still me and I still have my pride.

She kisses me gently and all of my anger disappears as she says she'll give me some time to think and then walks out of my room. Sam appears in five minutes when I text him that I've broken up with Rachel and he looks pretty pissed off. He starts lecturing me as he eats the cookies my mom brings to him because she hopes one day we'll get back together, but stops when I speak for the first time since he arrives. My voice is soft and uncharacteristically vulnerable when I ask him if he thinks she still loves Finn.

I don't know what he's thinking as he stares at me but I think I might actually cry when he says a serious yes a moment later. We don't say much after that, but somehow I'm thankful he's there anyway because I don't really want to be alone. I go to bed that night and I still don't know for certain if the break up with Rachel is permanent or not. She's already under my skin so far that she's invaded my heart, but I know that if I end things now I can still make a painful, but clean break.

I make my decision the next day in Glee when everyone from Golden Boy's side of the choir room is ganging up on Rachel because she wants to sing a solo for the first time since she and Finn broke up. They're all yelling about how she can't just change her mind about the set list this close to regionals. Rachel looks a little hurt and I can feel my blood start to burn under my skin. The next thing I know I'm screaming at the losers and Rachel is looking at me with something close to adoration as I let them have it.

I feel Puck and then Sam trying to pull me back to my seat, but it's only when the warmth of Rachel's touch settles onto my shoulder that I swallow and breath back my anger. I still want to punch every one of them though so I turn on my heel and stalk out of the room. Rachel finds me a moment later, smiling like she's just won a million dollars and I relax as she glances around the halls before she leans in and gives me a way too short kiss.

Rachel and I have made up, but the next day the sight of Mercedes, Tina and Artie rolling down the hall brings back my rage and I enlist two freshman from the basketball team to slushie them. I would do it myself, but Rachel will forgive me easier if I'm not the one who physically throws the slushie. Santana gets caught in the crossfire and we finally reach an understaning when she confronts me about it later that day.

She's standing in front of me full of rage when she yells, "What the hell, Q? I know why I ran those fucking suicides and I've left the little midget alone, why the hell did you order me a slushy?" I regard her with what I know is arrogance before I finally ask her why she told everyone about her and Finn. I ask her why she wanted to hurt Rachel so badly. She stares back, hard, for a full minute before she cocks her head to the side and tells me she did the 'freak' a favor. She also reminds me that once upon a time making Rachel miserable was one of the few things we had in common.

I sigh and feel a jolt of self loathing before I study her indifferently to see if she's lying. I'm a little bit surprised that she's not and I force an apology and tell her that she was not supposed to be part of the attack. We stare for a few more minutes before she tells me that I'm definitely a trade up from Hudson and before I can even be shocked at her sincerity she's gone and Grace find me standing in the locker room with my mouth hanging open.

It's the first time we've ever talked and I decide that I kind of like her and even though she's a little annoying and looks at Puck like he's a gift from Jesus I let her hang around me. Also, I like that her newness along with her love for the walking STD lets her accept my sudden decision to start eating lunch at Rachel Berry's table.

I talk Sam into asking Julie Weston to our Junior prom because he's been staring at her and talking about her for three months and every time she hangs out with us I seriously throw up a little at the way they both turn red at the sight of each other, so of course my girlfriend thinks it's sweet. I don't really know when I started referring to Rachel as my girlfriend when I think about her, but I kind of like it even though I never say it out loud.

Rachel's parents are out of town for the weekend visiting her grandparents or something and she invites me over for dinner. She goes all out and makes the only vegan dish I'll eat. There's candles and music and I notice that I can't help grinning like an idiot through the whole date because I'm so happy that it's foreign to me and I can't quite figure out how to keep my face in it's usual state of indifference. It's only when Rachel pushes a tiny box over to me that I falter.

Inside the box is a lily and two little slips of paper. Rachel is asking me to the junior prom. I panic a little and open my mouth knowing that something horrible is going to come out, but Rachel beats me to words and saves me from myself before I can say anything hurtful. She tells me that she knows that I'm not ready to be out, but she wants to go and figured we'd just go as friends. She goes on about how she just wanted to make me feel special by asking and that this was only for us and that she still understands that I'm not ready and assures me that it's fine.

I clench my teeth together as I see the sincerity in her eyes and wish for the millionth time that I was a better person. My heart swells with so much love for the girl across from me that I can't speak or I might cry and I nod. She gives the cutest clap and rushes over to my side of the table to pull me up into an embrace and as my face is buried in her neck I can't help it when the words tumble out of my mouth, "I love you."

She doesn't say it back, but the next thing I know Rachel's under me on the couch and my hand is dangerously high on her thigh as she squirms beneath me. Rachel moans into my mouth when I accidentally lose control of my hips and grind against her center and though she doesn't make me stop she does rest her hand gently over mine to keep it from moving any higher. When I bite her bottom lip though and she arches against me again I'm the one to pull away because I know she's not ready and I know I'm not a guy, but I don't want to be 'that guy'.

I sit for a moment and catch my breath and when I look back to Rachel I notice that she's still laying there, only now she has her knees pulled up and is sort of squirming a little as she looks at me with her lips a little fuller than normal and her eyes a little darker than normal and her hair a little more sexed up than normal. My mouth goes completely dry, I struggle to remember how to breath, or move, or talk, or function at all and then I mumble that I have to go before I run for the door like a girl.

In true Rachel Berry fashion I have four missed calls and a text message by the time I get home and just the thought of her voice forces me to take a cool shower before I call her back and apologize. She's unusually calm about the whole thing and I thank God that she doesn't mention the fact that I let those three little words slip out because truthfully, even though I meant them, I'm a little bit scared about what they mean. I'm also a little worried that she didn't say them back.

I pitch in with Puck and Sam for the Limo because Rachel bought the tickets and did the asking so even though we're only going as friends I want to make her feel a little bit special too. I seriously fall a little bit more in love with the two men in our lives when they tell me that we can pick Rachel up first so I won't have to worry about their dates finding anything out.

I'm staring at Rachel's hand that's resting on her knee, nervously thinking about the key card that Puck slipped into my hand, wishing that I could lace Rachel's fingers through mine for the sole purpose of calming me down, but Grace is across from me yapping and Sam and Julie are smiling and laughing in the corner and this is the most awkward car ride I have ever experienced. When we stop to pick up Mike, who is also going solo, Rachel reaches up and quickly squeezes my hand as everyone looks over to greet him.

I feel the stiffness in my posture settle a little and actually start smiling, listening to Mike and Rachel talk about a dance number that he's working on to show Schuester for regionals. Grace starts asking me about cheerleading championships while Puck and Sam explain to Heather the merits of school sports and no one notices that Rachel's fingertips are just barely resting over my little finger on the seat next to us.

Rachel's eyes widen when I show her the key card and I see Puck wink at her when she looks over at him. She seems hesitant, but calls her fathers and tells them she's staying out for the night, part of me wishes that they demand her home by midnight, but she smiles nervously when she hangs up and tells me she has to be home for breakfast. I spend the rest of the night in a silent and anxious panic, and I want desperately to know what Rachel and Puck are talking about quietly in the corner. I also want to punch Finn in his eye for staring at my girlfriend.

Rachel's apologizing and I'm as close to crying as I get outside of the privacy of my own room while she pulls on one of the hotel robes and sits behind me on the bed. She rests her cheek against my back and says she thought she was ready, but she's not and even though I'm hurt how can I fault her when I'm ready to do this, but I can't walk down the hall with her at school as she has stated a number of times. She doesn't say it tonight, but I know she's thinking it and I'm crying partly because I keep failing her and partly because she doesn't want me.

We eventually fall asleep and in the morning Rachel wakes me up gently telling me that we had better get home before our parents start to worry. We run into Finn in the lobby and I feel Rachel freeze by my side. I don't let my hurt show as they stand there and look at each other like wounded puppies, but I hate that he still has the power to make her feel this way. It seems like she's going to break at any moment or stand there and look hurt all day and the bitch in me wants to leave her there, but I love her and hate that look in her brown eyes so I take her hand and lead her gently away.

I don't talk to Rachel again until we lose regionals and she's sitting on the bus looking like she might cry, I'm still mad and hurt by what happened in Glee last week so I let her, but when the tears actually start I heave an irritated sigh and sit down stiffly next to her on the bench. She doesn't say anything and I assure her that it wasn't her fault. She looks at me like I'm crazy, but at least she's not crying anymore. That's really all we say, but I sit with her for the entire bus ride and wish to God, who probably doesn't listen to me anymore, that I didn't care so much.

My father shows up for dinner one night and I hate the way my mother smiles at him from across the table as I sit stiffly in my chair and wonder what he'd say if he knew I was in love with a girl. I think about telling him, but we rarely speak and I don't have any desire to hurt my mother even though I hate her a little bit too. I keep my face straight as he talks to me and politely nod or give a short answer when it's called for and by the time the meal is over I feel so exhausted that all I want to do is crawl into bed until summer. When he leaves he looks me up and down and gives his head a little shake before he kisses my mother on the cheek and nods in my direction.

An hour later I'm still standing in front of the mirror trying to figure out what's so disappointing about my appearance that makes him look at me that way. Which leads me to wonder what Rachel saw as she pulled away from me in the hotel room as soon as I was naked and the next thing I know I'm stripping, staring at myself in my bra and panties trying to figure out what's so disgusting about me.

My arms are thin, but muscular and my breasts are a little small, but that can't really be it, Rachel's aren't huge either especially since she lost all of her baby fat over the summer. My eyes move to my hips and thighs, what used to be my least favorite parts of my body. My hips are a little bit wide and even though they're well muscled from cheerleading, my thighs are a lot bigger than I'd like.

Lastly I settle on my stomach. The new winner for the part of me that I hate the most. I run my fingers over the barely visible marks on my stomach and hate myself when I run my hands over the small bump left from my still digesting dinner. This must be what scared Rachel away and I feel like I'm going to be sick when I step on the scale for the first time in months and realize that I've gained five pounds.

A moment later when I'm finished emptying my stomach into the toilet I feel strangely calmer and wipe the water in my eyes away as I get dressed to stand back in front of the mirror. I know why Rachel doesn't want me, now to figure out what my father hates so much about me.

Maybe it's because I stopped wearing my hair back because Rachel likes it down, I grab an elastic band and pull my hair back and look again.

Maybe I was slouching , Rachel says I'm more approachable when I relax, I stand a little taller and look again.

Maybe it's the absence of the makeup that Rachel says I don't need, I reach over and apply the color to my face and stand back to stare at myself again.

I swallow, maybe I don't smile enough. The corner of my mouth turns up and I am smirking at myself in the mirror as I stare at Quinn Fabray in her former glory as Head Bitch in Charge.

I stare until I'm angry and my fists are clenching at my sides, this is the Quinn that my father wants. The perfect one. The one who throws slushies and picks on people to feel better about herself. This is the Quinn Fabray who's afraid to walk down the hall with Rachel Berry and I hate her.

I clench my teeth and cry as I pull my hair down and wash my face, change my cloths to crawl into bed and look in the mirror a final time after I brush my teeth. My father can see Rachel all over me. I crawl into bed exhausted, try to decide who's approval I want more and I don't talk to Rachel for the rest of the school year...


	2. Chapter 2

My computer died, had to wait for taxes to buy a new one...Hope it was worth the wait, as always I'm grateful to know what you think so review if you have time. Thanks for taking a look either way, hope you enjoy :)

The Best Part of Me (2/2)

Of course Puck throws the first party of the summer, a barbecue for Glee in the afternoon and debauchery in the evening for the rest of his friends and anyone from Glee who chooses to stay. This of course includes Santana and Britt, Finn, Sam, Mike, Me and Kurt and Rachel. The end pair have been glued together all afternoon and if Kurt wasn't as gay as I am I would be insanely jealous.

I hang with Sam and Julie and try to be discreet as my eyes continually search for Rachel. Puck orders pizza and looks at me funny when I refuse the plate he offers. When he comments that I didn't eat earlier either I roll my eyes and take the plate and look down at the food. It's not a struggle I'm unaware of, but it is a struggle, and I feel a little bit sick as I look down at the plate and pick up the food with veiled trepidation.

I clench my teeth and stare at the toilet in Puck's bathroom, I really hate doing this anywhere, but at home, but the pizza is sitting heavy in my stomach and Rachel is flirting with a random girl who I don't think even goes to our school, but looks fuckin hot in her bikini. I _am_ thankful it's not Hudson, but I hate myself and run to Puck's bedroom where Sam finds me a few minutes later.

I don't know why I let him hug me, but I do and he tells me I'm beautiful and that I'm not fat and the next thing I know we're hurriedly backing toward Puck's bed, our mouths crashing together as he falls over me. It's only when my hands reach to pull off his shirt that he pulls away and swallows, looking guilty as he stills my hand and turns away from me.

He says he loves me, but assures me that I don't love him. He tells me he likes Rachel and that I should find her because she's hurting as much as I am and she has no idea what's going on because I won't even talk to her to tell her. It's only when I feel the usual blankness settle over my features that I look at him again and he sighs and says he'll take me home. He tells me he'll be right back and leaves me sitting on Puck's bed.

I'm contemplating going back into the bathroom when I hear the door open again and a small voice asks me why I'm not speaking to her. I swallow and look at Rachel standing in the doorway. I love that she's at a high school party, surrounded by the 'cool' kids, getting hit on by a hot girl and she's still wearing a plaid skirt, a thin short sleeve sweater bearing the outline of a unicorn and her signature knee socks. I hate the hurt swelling up in her eyes when I look at her and the next thing I know I'm crying.

I'm crying that I'm fat and ugly and not good enough for her. I'm crying because my father hates me and my mother is pretty much back to ignoring me and once again I'm walking around feeling inconsequential. I'm fairly close to hysterics when I get to prom night and Rachel pulls me close. The familiarity of being in her arms allows me to take deeper breaths as if the scent of her has healing vapors in it.

When I'm finally finished with my hysterics Rachel pulls away and goes to the bathroom and returns with a damp washcloth which she silently and gently runs over my cheeks and eyes. She doesn't speak the entire time, but my heart is aching in my chest over how much I love this girl and I never once feel ashamed that I let her see me cry.

Rachel pulls me close to her and rubs my back and I feel the best I've felt in ages and she waits until my breathing has completely evened out to tell me that she's sorry for making me feel this way. She looks like she wants to say more, but she doesn't, she does kiss me though and my entire body sighs at the contact as her mouth gently captures mine.

Our kisses deepen and I flip Rachel onto her back and she gives the most amazing groan when I lower my body onto hers. Her hands creep under my shirt and the rush of heat from her hands on my bare skin causes my hips to roll into hers and her entire body arches as she pulls me closer. Heat rushes through me knowing that I caused this reaction and I do it again and kiss her as her body meets mine with a little moan in the back of her throat and before she or I realize what's happening Rachel let's my hand snake under her shirt and squeeze over her breast. I'm betting the shock of her not wearing a bra is hitting us both at the same time.

And in the next instant I'm collapsing against Rachel's neck whispering the eff word into the pillow and I'm fairly certain that if I was a guy I would have just greatly embarrassed myself with an early arrival. Rachel gives a soft sort of giggle, but doesn't make me move my hand and her breathing starts to become uneven when I start to move my hand. Her eyes are closed when my fingers find her nipple and her hips raise to meet mine again when I give it an experimental squeeze.

I'd forgotten how completely intoxicating Rachel could be and we completely lose any sense of where we are or what we're building up to when Puck jolts us back to reality as he swings open the door. Rachel hides her face in my hair as I look up in horror to see who has caught us and I'm shamefully relieved when Puck is smirking at us like he won the lottery. I yell at him to close the door and he does, but not before muttering that he's never going to change his sheets again.

Rachel giggles and I pull away from her and collapse on the bed next to her in my relief that our secret is still safe. See being in love with a girl doesn't really freak me out so much as people finding out that I'm in love with a girl. Rachel props herself on her side to look at me, but when she leans down to kiss me again I turn my head and tell her that we shouldn't do this where anyone could walk in.

There's a flash of hurt in her eyes, but it's gone as fast as it appeared and she asks me if I would like to accompany her to her house for the night to hang out. I can't help smiling like an idiot at the fact that she uses the word accompany. I love how amazing she is and I nod my head as she climbs over me and straightens herself up before she leaves, telling me to take a minute to compose myself and she'll meet me at the car.

Rachel's fathers are happy to see me and she ducks her head and looks embarrassed when they mention her moping about the house for the last few weeks. We watch a movie with them and I even eat the snacks they make us without feeling too sick. I love the way Rachel feels curled into my side as she sleeps and I don't have another break down until cheerleading camp.

It's been two weeks and I think I'm going to go insane. Finn was in the background talking to Rachel when I talked to her earlier and I hate that he still calls her 'Rach', so I find myself taking my frustrations out on the squad. Santana has been glaring at me the entire day with murder in her eyes, but she waits until we are alone in our room before she tells me that she liked me better when I was pretending to be straight.

I open my mouth to deny whatever she's accusing me of, but she gives me a look that makes the sentence die on my lips. She tells me not to waste my breath and asks me what the hell my problem is and before I can stop myself I'm spilling the fact that I think that Rachel is still waiting to get back together with Finn.

Santana rolls her eyes and calls me a girl before she speaks, telling me if I ever mention any of this again she'll beat the hell out of me before she denies everything. She tells me that Rachel is over Finn even if I don't know it yet and that I should quit being a baby. She tells me that Rachel is the type of girl to obsess over her virginity and then asks me in a quiet, but serious voice if I would be so careless about it if I could do it all again. We both sit in the silence of our own regrets and I try not to be such a bitch for the rest of camp.

By the time I make it back from camp Rachel has gone completely off her rocker and when I find her at Puck's house they're going over sheet music with Kyle Karofsky. Puck's picking at his guitar and that rat bastard is leaning over Rachel's shoulder studying the notes she's pointing to on her sheet of paper. I arch my eyebrow at Puck who shrugs his shoulders, but tells Rachel they need food before Sam, Julie and Grace arrive. He enlists Karofsky to help him buy pizza and leaves me and Rachel alone to say hello.

I'm uncomfortably nervous when we find ourselves alone and Rachel immediately puts me at ease by smiling shyly and telling me she missed me. The next thing I know she's in my arms and her lips are moving over mine and I've forgotten that I was ever nervous in the first place. Rachel breaths out that she missed me again and she does it so deep in her throat that I can't help backing her toward Puck's couch and the next thing I know we're making out on his couch completely oblivious to the fact that anyone could walk in at anytime.

Someone does walk in and I'm still a little relieved that it's only Sam. He grins like a teenage boy and twirls around to head off whoever came with him. Rachel looks surprised when I don't move away from her and smiles a little when I reach over and rub my finger on the corner of her mouth to fix what I've done to her. She pushes her hair behind her ear ducks her head as I straighten my own hair and sit up straight.

Rachel looks a little on the delighted side when I leave our shoulders touching as she explains to me that Grace, Julie and Kyle are joining Glee and we are going to help them choose audition songs. Kurt shows up and we actually have a really fun jam session in Puck's garage and I don't remember to ask Rachel why everyone's so willing to forgive Karfosky until later. Rachel's face darkens for a moment and then she shrugs and tells me quietly that everyone deserves a second chance.

I can't really argue with that, but I have a little trouble getting used to him over the next few weeks until Kurt finally tells me the real reason that everyone's so accepting of the jock. He looks a little on the uncomfortable side as he gives me the basics and tells me that I should call Rachel to get the real story as he only knows what he's heard and it's not much. Instead of calling her I decide that I need to see her.

Rachel is all smiles when she sees me behind her door and my stomach goes a little weak as I think to myself that it wouldn't be the worst thing ever if I could see her smile everyday. She hugs me shyly and ducks away when one of her fathers peeks through the doorway. Mr. Berry-number-one looks at me knowingly and I feel a little bit guilty under his gaze as Rachel announces that we are heading to her bedroom. I'm fairly certain that I go ten shades of red as he yells the words 'Door open!' to Rachel as she leads me up the stairs.

When I reveal the reason I'm visiting Rachel's face darkens and she takes a moment to pick some invisible fuzz off of her bed before she begins talking. It's not a long story and not nearly as dramatic as Kurt made it seem, but I still end up with my fists clenched at my sides.

I only soften when Rachel's hands slip over my fists and pull my arms around her so she can get closer to me. I feel my anger relax as I pull her close and vow to try to be nicer to Karofsky. After all Rachel's right everyone deserves another chance. She relaxes into me as I try not not to think about the fact that I'm on my third. The fourth, if I count sophomore year when I declined her initial offer of friendship. I close my eyes and breath in deeply as I hope against hope that my chances will never run out.

It's the beginning of Senior year and my life has taken a turn toward suck when the man I laughingly call my father moves back in and Rachel and I have our first, last and only fight about Finn Hudson. Rachel has been hinting that she wants to go to the winter formal and I really want to take her. I finally work up the nerve to ask her after she politely turns down about a million offers. I get Puck to buy her a ticket because being me I can hardly go to the booth and pick them up myself without getting grilled about who I'm taking.

I secure the auditorium and sing her a song, and when I ask her to the dance she smiles so wide and bright that my heart stops for a moment in my chest and I walk blindly toward her, forgetting where we are or the consequences of being caught here with her. I kiss her deeply and I only stop when she pulls away gently and looks around the auditorium nervously.

I take a step back, a little bit shocked at my own actions, but I don't drop her hand. Her eyes are questioning when I meet them and I give a little shrug. She smiles tentatively as I lead her out of the auditorium to my car, and for the first time I don't care who sees us walking together.

We end up at her house that night and there's something a little bit different about the way that she looks at me. I like it and it makes me nervous all at once, we have dinner with her parents and Mr. Berry-number-two corners me in the kitchen when I'm putting my plate in the sink. He doesn't say anything for a moment as I squirm uncomfortably under his gaze, and just when it feels like I'm about to crack he smiles, puts his plate in the sink and nods in my direction as he heads back out to the living room.

He leans against Rachel's doorway later on as he stops to say goodnight to his daughter and I make it a point to meet his eyes and then glance at my hands which have stayed nervously on top of Rachel's blankets through the entire movie. He says goodnight to the two of us before he pulls the door mostly closed and I hear him laugh as he walks down the hall toward his bedroom.

Rachel giggles a little next to me and I glare at her for a full five seconds before she leans toward me and kisses me, melting my glare in the process. I ask Rachel when she told her fathers about us and she shrugs and says that they sort of already knew. I panic a little bit before she takes my hand and kisses it, drops it back onto the blanket and tells me that her parents like me. I look at her a little bit puzzled because they must know what I was like before and she says that they're the ones who made her believe in second chances.

The fight happens after my father catches me sitting a little too intimately against Rachel while we do our homework in my bedroom. He's been moved back in for a few weeks and we mostly avoid each other, but he does make it clear what he expects of me and we both know that snuggling another girl is not acceptable. Rachel doesn't notice him standing in my door until she feels my body go rigid next to hers and she looks at me in concern before following my gaze to my father's face.

He tells her as politely as he can through his clenched teeth that he thinks it's getting late and she looks at him defiantly for a few seconds before sees the look of fear on my face and nods shortly in his direction as she gathers her things and tells me she'll see me at school tomorrow. I try not to think about how much I want to feel her arms around me, or her hand in mine, anything to comfort the feeling in my stomach as my father stares at me in barely masked disgust. We don't talk, but he stares at me with that disappointed look on his face for what seems like forever before he tells me that I will be accompanying him to church this weekend. I nod at the order and wish he could read my mind so he would know how much I hate him.

My father sends my mother up to get me on Sunday morning and I see something like concern in her eyes when she finds me staring in the mirror with a blank look on my face. I haven't had a chance to talk to Rachel since she left my house the other day and I wish for the thousandth time that I was in her arms. I can feel Father Thomas's eyes on me through the entire sermon he gives on sexual deviance and I wonder bitterly if my father requested that he give this message especially for me.

I'm proud of myself that I don't cry until I make it to the safety and privacy of my bathroom and I don't get control over myself until my father calls me down for Sunday dinner and I have to sit across from him and smile when Father Thomas comments on how happy I must be that my family is back together. My father meets my sugary sweet smile with equal animosity behind his own and I pray to any God that will listen to me for this dinner to be over.

He knocks on my door while I am getting ready for bed and sits on the corner of my bed in silence after I let him in. Finally he motions for me to sit next to him and I can't help thinking about when I was younger and he would come in every night when he got home from work and sit in that same spot to tell me a funny story, make me laugh, tuck me in and tell me he loved me. Part of me wishes I didn't hate him so much.

He finally speaks to me, tells me he loves my mother and that even though I have a penchant for disappointing him he loves me too. He gives me a speech about what is expected of a Fabray and reminds me that as long as I live under his roof that he will not be embarrassed by me again. I take this conversation as the heavily disguised threat that it is and ask Sam over to help me study the next day.

Sam is polite when he meets my father, he stands up and shakes his hand and the same part of me that refuses to hold Rachel's hand at school leaps at the fact that Russel nods approval at me for the first time since Finn stupidly stood up and sang at my parents that I was having his baby. He invites Sam to stay for dinner and this time when he smiles at me from across the table I wish that I wasn't so pleased at the sincerity in his eyes.

Rachel gets angry with me for the first time ever when I tell her that I can't go to the dance with her, "It's not like I'm asking you to make out with me on the dance floor, Quinn. Hell, I don't even expect you to _be_ on the dance floor with me." Rachel crosses her arms over her chest as I try to reason with her and storms off toward the choir room before I can catch up to her. The next day she informs me that she'll be attending the dance with Finn and Rachel gets her first glimpse of the Fabray temper.

There's a lot of yelling and I'm thankful that her fathers are not at home. She tells me to stop acting like a child, that she and Finn are only going as friends and I yell back that I see the way he looks at her and I don't want her to go. And when she accuses me of being exactly like that ogre I flip out and before I can stop the words from tumbling out of my mouth I tell her that if she goes to the dance with Finn that she and I are finished.

Rachel and I are both stunned into silence at my words and she looks at me for what seems like forever before she answers in a hurt voice that it can't be over if I'll never be able to give it a chance to start. I leave her house at full tilt and don't start panicking until later that night when I call to apologize and Rachel won't pick up her phone.

On the day of the dance Kurt finds me crying in the bathroom when he comes in to touch up his hair and the next thing I know I'm sitting on Kurt's couch clenching my jaw into impassivity as I watch his brother get ready to take my girlfriend out on a date. I seriously want to choke him when I overhear him telling Kurt that he and Rachel are definitely going to get back together after this. Kurt puts his hand on my knee and the look of indifference I've been struggling to keep is replaced with hatred as I glare at him until he leaves.

I mostly cry for the entire night, Kurt lets me, and I try not to hate him too much when he tells me that no one can wait forever, and if I don't choose her soon I don't really deserve her. I don't realize how true this is until Finn walks in and says that Rachel let him kiss her. The color red flashes in front of my eyes and I'm off the couch practically running for the door calling Rachel who still won't pick her phone up. Mr. Berry-number-one answers the door and gives me an encouraging smile and tells me Rachel is upstairs. Number Two gives me a Hard look and tells me not to blow it.

Rachel's sitting at her mirror and the sight of her knocks the breath out of me for a moment because she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I clear my throat and she looks up startled to find me staring at her. Rachel takes in the sight of me and her look of irritation quickly turns to sympathy as she takes in my less than perfect appearance. I've spent most of the night with my head in Kurt's lap and my eyes are red from the crying. I'm almost grateful that I look like such shit because at least she'll know I'm sincere.

We don't talk right away she steers me toward her bed and disappears into her bathroom and once again she's gently wiping away my tears. I tell her how sorry I am and how much my father scares me and how much I hate the way she looks at Finn, how I really loathe the way he looks at her. I almost beg her not to go back to Finn before I apologize for being weak and tell her that I love her and try to make her understand how much I want to be ready for her, but I'm just not there yet. I tell her I know how amazing she is and ask her to hold on for just a little bit longer.

I can see the dilemma in her eyes and I can't stand the fact that I've caused her this much pain. She nods and pulls me against her and my entire body sighs in relief as I feel her arms around me for the first time in what seems like forever. I spend the entire weekend at her house and I try not to feel guilty that I lied to my father and told him that I would be hanging with Grace all weekend. We go to a jam session at Puck's house on Sunday where I find myself alone with Kyle Karofsky.

Rachel went with Puck to get food and I have no idea where anyone else has gotten to, but I wish they would get back because being alone with Karofsky is not exactly comfortable. We make small talk about the game we have next week and out of nowhere he tells me how amazing Rachel is and how lucky I am that she loves me so much. "Wait a minute, do you have a thing for Rachel?" I ask defensively as I feel my face go a little red.

He laughs at me and tells me in a quiet voice that I'm more like him than I could ever realize and that Rachel is not exactly his type. My face goes redder when I think that he's knocking on Rachel and he laughs and tells me to calm down before his face turns serious. He says he knows what it's like to feel like you're suffocating inside your own body, and he wishes that Kurt was as forgiving as Rachel. I look at him silently and blankly for a full minute before everything sinks in and he smiles at me sort of sadly.

On Monday on the way to school Rachel is singing softly to my stereo and I look at her in between keeping my eyes on the road and when we pull up to the school Rachel looks over and smiles softly at me. I think about the weekend, how I felt when I thought that Rachel was going to get back together with Finn and about what Karofsky said. Rachel's brown eyes regard me questioningly, but I just smile, shrug a little and turn to get out of the car.

I love Rachel. She's the only thing I think about as I walk around the car to open the door and help her out like I always do.

I need her. She's astonishing. In the best way possible, she makes me want to be better.

When she looks at me she makes me feel perfect. The only time I feel absolutely at ease with myself is when her arms are around me. She's beautiful, sexy, patient, forgiving.

She's the best part of me.

And in the twenty seconds it takes me to walk around the car I make the choice that should have been this easy from the start. I Take Rachel's hand to help her out of the car and make the best decision of my life. I feel her grip relax on my hand as soon as she's out of the car, but instead of dropping her hand like every other day of the week I squeeze her smaller hand in my own. I look down at our hands as I lace my fingers through hers and they look perfect together. My smile widens when I catch hers and my heart jumps a little in my chest when she doesn't even notice the look on Finn's face as we brush past him.

I shoot him a smug smile for good measure and the weight of my decision doesn't really hit me until one of the hockey players catches my hand in Rachel's and gives my tiny diva a predatory leer. I step in front of her to shield her from him, but he never even makes it across the hall before Puck and Karofsky head him off and he steers himself back toward his group of puck heads. Karofsky turns and gives me a nod and I meet his eyes with a silent look of appreciation from my place by Rachel's side.

Rachel's parents are out of town visiting a relative when she finally tells me she loves me. She invites me over for the weekend, assuring me that she has permission from her father's for me to be there and when I arrive after a late Cheerios practice I'm surprised that I can't see any light coming from her house. The door is unlocked so I walk in and I stop dead in my tracks as all of the breath leaves my body.

Rachel is standing in front of me wearing nothing but a pair of red lace panties with a matching bra, bathed in the candle light she has strategically placed around her living room. I suck in my bottom lip instead of much needed air and if I don't remember how to breath soon I might pass out. Rachel lets a pleased and seductive smile settle on her lips before she moves toward me and I drop my bag on the floor next to me because the sight of a mostly naked Rachel Berry has rendered me useless and if I try to walk and carry the bag at the same time I fear disaster.

I meet Rachel's mouth halfway across the room and my knees go a little bit weak when she presses her body up against me so that her lips can crash against mine. She pulls away, smiles and takes my hand to lead me up to her room following a trail of candlelight all the way to her door.

By the time we make it to her bed she has managed to pull off almost all of my clothes and as I lay her gently back on her bed her eyes look at me intensely and she finally says the words. "I love you, Quinn Fabray." After that I have to have her and I make quick work of getting us both naked and nothing I have ever experienced would have been able to prepare me for the way it feels when I settle my weight on top of her and Rachel is naked against me for the first time.

She sighs a little at the contact and closes her eyes. Rachel's bare skin feels wonderfully smooth under my fingertips and mouth as they chase each other over her body, trying to remember every inch of flawless skin. Rachel's movements become more urgent under my touch and I meet her eyes as I take her, trying not to come at the sound she makes in the back of her throat when she relaxes and I can finally start to move my fingers inside of her. She says it again as she groans out my name and clenches around my fingers and this time I don't stop myself from tumbling over the edge with her.

Rachel's fast asleep as my pencil scratches gently over a page in my sketchbook, trying desperately to capture her beauty as she breaths softly in front of me. I know somewhere in the back of my hazy mind that this is impossible, but I try anyway and fight sleep at all costs. I love this woman and for the first time in my life I feel loved back and I want to hold onto this moment forever. She wakes up and pulls me into the bed with her after I've been sketching for about an hour and I love the way she settles into my arms and falls right back to sleep, snoring gently.

Rachel finds my sketch the next morning and she's the first person I ever let go through my art book. She flips out over how talented I am, blushes that so many of my drawings are of her and then laughs lightly as she tells me that they are a definite improvement over the ones on the bathroom stalls. She kisses away my look of regret and tells me that I can make it up to her by cooking her breakfast and Rachel and I don't leave her house until it's time for school on Monday.

It's hard to believe that a week that started out so amazing could end up filled with such crap, but here I am in the bathroom gagging the lunch Sam made me eat into the toilet. It starts with Rachel getting an early acceptance letter to NYU and plummets downhill from there. Out of all the schools I get accepted to Russel makes it plainly clear that he will only pay for pre law at Princeton and I agree because really how else am I going to get out of here. And since Princeton is so close to NYU I don't expect Rachel to freak out as much as she does.

When I tell her she's overreacting she gets super quiet and tells me that she thought that we would be going to New York together and that she wrote me into her dreams. I don't know what else she wants from me and I tell her that I need to think, which she interprets as I don't want to be with her and by the time one of the Carmel football players calls me a dyke I haven't spoken to her in four days.

Karofsky breaks the guys nose and Rachel nearly has a panic attack when she sees the blood spatter on my uniform. Once we all convince her that it's not mine she calms down and offers to take me home to clean up during halftime. My parents are out so I agree and when we get to my room Rachel grabs my hand and pulls me into a hug, whispering in my ear that she doesn't care where I go to school as long as I don't forget about her.

I tell her how impossible that is and I push her toward my bed so that we can have our first make up sex. Both of us forget about the game and touching her again is like heaven until she's naked and leaning over me and I hear a yelp coming from my doorway because we forgot to lock it. I freeze in fear at the sight of my mother's horrified look and Rachel rolls off of me quickly pulling a blanket over her head in the process and I know she's hoping that my mother didn't recognize her.

I swallow when she says Rachel's name and tells her in a clipped tone that it's late and she had better get dressed and go home. I say goodnight to Rachel and she makes me promise to call her later no matter what and I nod and kiss her goodnight at the door. She snatches her head back in surprise and I shrug, what more damage could I possibly do now.

Turns out my mother knows whats been going on for a while and asks me how I could be so careless about leaving the door unlocked telling me seriously that things would have been a lot different if it had been Russel who opened that door. I ask her through clenched teeth how she could be so careless letting him back into our lives. We argue quietly and it ends when she bans Rachel from the house and tells me that I should get my priorities straight or he'll never pay for me to get out of this stupid little town.

I call Rachel later and smile as I hear her sigh of relief through the phone. I tell her everything and apologize and she's completely understanding and when she tells me to remember that she loves me before she hangs up I don't think I could ever get tired of hearing her voice say those words. Everything is fine until Sue Sylvester suspends me for three games after a weigh in, she lectures me about my weight gain gives me a weeks worth of her weight loss shake and sends me out of her office.

Two day later I haven't lost any weight and when I'm gone a little bit too long during lunch Rachel and Sam find me in the fourth floor bathroom kneeling on the cold tile and the pained look on Rachel's face paired with the shame of being caught causes my stomach to convulse and I have to turn quickly back toward the toilet. She holds back my hair and when my stomach finally stops heaving I brush past both of them to the sink because I can't meet their eyes.

Rachel insists that we skip the rest of the day and we spend the drive to her house in silence. I over hear her in the kitchen moving around and talking to one of her fathers and I wonder how it would be to have parents who actually loved me no matter what I did. She comes into the living room where I am sitting on her couch and places a bowl of soup and a plate of crackers in front of me and tells me gently to put something back into my stomach.

I stare at the food Rachel has set in front of me and I swallow the gag in my throat at the the thought of putting it into my mouth. We don't say anything and when we're still sitting there twenty minutes later I finally reach out with a shaky hand and take a cracker. There's tears in my eyes as I spoon the soup in my mouth and I force down a few more crackers before I can't take anymore and I drop the spoon to the table with a sob.

Rachel rubs my back and takes me up to her room, I feel like a child as she keeps her arms around me and I wish that she didn't have to fix me so often. She goes downstairs to say hello to her fathers when she hears them come in and when she comes back up I'm not exactly proud that she finds me standing in her bathroom, swallowing back the food that's sitting like a lump in my stomach.

There's a pained look on Rachel's face as I break down and tell her what I see when I look in the mirror and it turns to love when she kisses me and whispers in my ear that I'm beautiful and tells me what she sees when she looks at me. Rachel starts pulling my clothes off and it's the first time we've ever had sex in the harsh light of day, but when I try to cover myself she takes my hands in hers and lays me back on her bed.

I feel completely vulnerable as she studies me and I only relax when I see the look of adoration and wonder on her face as she touches me. She's words like beautiful, stunning, perfect, wonderful, tantalizing, as she places kisses over every inch of my skin.

She says that I'm so beautiful that sometimes she swears I'm an angel.

That my eyes are so stunning that sometimes she can't speak when I'm looking at her.

That my breasts feel so perfect in her hands that sometimes she's afraid she'll come just by touching them.

Her hands leave them and travel over my stomach and when I flinch away she leans down and trails kisses over my abdomen letting me know that this is her favorite part of me. Telling me that without it I would have spent all of high school not realizing how wonderful I could be.

She waits for me to relax and when her mouth is sucking at the inside of my thigh I'm practically quivering from needing her so much and she tells me that my legs and hips are so tantalizing that she can barely admire me walk without fighting the need to pull me into a janitors closet at school.

I laugh and she kisses my mouth and takes my hand, both of us gasping when she slides it between her thighs. She falls into my neck as I start to move my hand over her wetness and whispers deep in her throat that I do that to her everyday.

She pulls back to meet my eyes, "When I look at you, you're flawless Quinn Fabray." She says breathlessly as she slides her fingers inside of me. I believe her as I push against her and hold her eyes until my body coasts over the edge, forcing them closed with the intensity of my release.

We have dinner with her fathers later that night and I don't eat much, but when I don't feel sick afterword I figure it's a start.

It's prom night when I have a revelation about my future. It's been a year since I've been here. Sitting on a bed waiting for the woman I love to come out of the bathroom, only this time I'm not nervous at all. This time I danced with her. I held her and made her laugh and I barely cared who noticed.

This time she's smiling sexily as she comes out of the bathroom and when she's touching me all I can think is that I want to go to New York with her. I want to make her happy and take care of her, I want to spend the rest of my life making sure that every one of her dreams come true because she's become every one of mine.

Rachel shrieks so loud when I show her my NYU acceptance letter that her father's think I've killed her and come barreling up the stairs faster than I knew anyone could move. She just grins through her tears and shows them the letter and they join in the hugging and I have to admit I sort of love them for posting my letter next to Rachel's on their refrigerator.

The only thing better than my decision is when we go to New York for nationals and I get my first glimpse of New York Rachel and fall madly in love with her, it's exactly what she was made for. I have an absolute blast singing with her on stage and the bitch part of me is pleased at the look on Finn's face when Rachel smiles and curls herself into my side on the bus ride home. For the first time ever I realize exactly how long she has been over Finn Hudson.

Rachel and I start school and end up sharing a tiny apartment off campus when I get jealous over her dorm mate and get her kicked out. We both have busy schedules at school and work part time jobs to pay for the things her fathers don't so we don't see each other too often during the day, but it's perfect crawling into bed with her every night. Rachel's still crazy, and occasionally my insecurity still shows it's ugly head in the form of Head Bitch Quinn, but she loves me anyway and I still can't live without her, which brings me back to watching Rachel walk away from Finn marveling over the fact that even after everything I've put her through she still loves me enough to choose me everyday for the rest of her life.

I love the way her eyes light up when they find me and a part of me wonders what the hell he said to her to make her frown like that. As she throws her arms around me I think about what Sam said to me about him still being in love with Rachel and I try to have some sympathy for him, but turns out that someone else being in love with my fiance is just really annoying.

By mid afternoon he's starting to get creepy and I try my best not to scowl as I walk toward him. I sit next to him and try to imagine how I would feel if I had to watch Rachel be in love with someone else. I don't let my face change as I start to talk to him because I'm not sorry that he blew it, but I do sort of feel bad that he doesn't understand just exactly how close he came to destroying her.

I tell him everything. He looks pained when I tell him how I found her in the bathroom that day and embarrassed and shameful when I tell him what she told me on the bleachers. I don't really care if he understands for himself, but I have a feeling that if he doesn't he'll never be able to be happy for her and for reasons I make a note to ask her about she still cares about him. His opinion still means something to her and I promised myself a long time ago that I would do anything to make her happy.

It works, and I'm amazed I don't punch him in the face when she smiles and hugs him when he finally congratulates her. He gives her a smile back and she pulls me closer behind her and tilts her head to smile and mouth that she loves me. I lean down and kiss her, grinning as I lace our fingers together at her waist, feel my ring on her finger and thank God that things don't always turn out exactly the way you plan them...

So...How was it and who should I work on next Sam, Puck or Kurt?


End file.
